Where have I been?

There’s so many cobwebs here. Ewww, I don’t want to touch them. Wow, look at this thick layer of dust. Where’s my Swiffer? #ad #notreally #iwish Sneeze, sneeze. No prob, I’ll just wipe my nose on my sleeve. Not crazy about this shirt anyway. Wow, that’s a lot of snot…the stretchy gross kind, too. WHAT IS THAT?! Kill, kill, KILL the spider! Wait, I think I broke something in my delusional pursuit. Where’s that spider?!

Oh, you’re here. Well, isn’t that a surprise. Welcome surprise? Not sure, but we’ll go with it. Let’s have some tea and sit for a chat…but I need to bandage myself up…and change my shirt.

OK, I’m back…soooo, how ‘bout them Cowboys?! (for real, what’s going on?)…The blog? Yes, that thing….

Yeah, so it’s been over two months since I last posted. I have some legitimate reasons for not updating the blog such as a cross-county move (yes, COUNTY…more dramatic than it sounds, I promise) and a hurricane (we didn’t lose power, but still an excuse from work), but honestly, my insecurity and laziness have been the main culprits.

Wait, can I also blame the election?! No? But that’s been a popular one. OK, time to adult, Desiree.

So, I have been feeling insecure about my writing and posting on social media. What if I’m not making sense? What if I’m not interesting? What if I haven’t “hashtagged” my posts the right way? Is this meta description for this post working or not? No one likes my featured items. No one is reading my stupid words. I’m not making any money, so I must look like a real loser to people. The questions and doubts go on and on.

There are two consistent ways I show my insecurity in my daily life. In regard to writing, I have displayed this in the too numerous ways I read over my written word: blog posts, listing descriptions, texts, comments, emails, messages, to-do lists–everything. I am scared that I will look like an idiot. Now don’t get me wrong; it’s important to proofread. My proofreading can be a little obsessive though. From start to finish, I read and re-read a scary amount of times. (Read: Major time waster/Your “friendly” neighbor, Obsessive Creepy Creeperson.)

Another way I consistently show my insecurity is how I downplay or avoid talking about my blogging and selling because it’s not “legitimate work.” Where I currently live there aren’t many entrepreneurs especially of the young type…and the home-based type…and the female type…and the creative type. I have a huge heart and passion to be my own boss and to write, but where I live most people work traditional jobs that make me look like I’m just wasting time at home. Could I be making it up in my head? Does income really bring worth? I admit I am my worst enemy, but it doesn’t help that I’m faaar away from the charismatic personalities and inspiring environment of Start-Up City.

With all of this insecurity (closely associated with fear), I am basically saying, “I am not enough.”

Laziness breeds excuses. It is easy to use my kids and homeschooling as excuses for why I can’t crank out a blog post, add a photo, or prep a listing. It makes me look like a good mom, doesn’t it? I am sooooo devoted to my family that this silly stuff (AKA what makes my heart sing) cannot be messed with. Yes, I am devoted to my family, but I can always be more strategic with my time. BUT…This is Us is coming on…I should really re-watch past seasons of Sherlock before the new season starts…a good mom would more focused on meal planning and going over all of our upholstery with Febreze Free Nature #ad #youfellforit #okyoudidnt…why is our family not more fluent in Spanish? (Really, like most Americans, I took like seven years of Spanish in school. What gives? Let’s ignore the fact I’m half-Cuban as well.)

The blog? The Ebay? The Etsy? AIN’T NO ONE GOT TIME FOR THAT! (That didn’t feel natural; I didn’t like how that sentence felt coming out of my mouth. More fun to type though.)

So we learn that when I take a cozy and convenient nap with laziness, I am saying, “This blogging and selling thing is not important.”

BUT WAIT! Saying “I am not enough” and “This blogging and selling thing is not important” are totally not true. Psalm 139 shows that I am not a mistake, and I have amazing worth. Matthew 6:25-34 throws out the “what if’s.” First John 4:18 tells me that my fear of this world hurts me and is not a part of God. Using my unique gifts and prayfully considering how God wants me to use them IS important, very useful, and most of all, should reflect back to Him (Proverbs 31, Ephesians 2:10, Colossians 3:23). This platform is just ONE way I continue the journey of faith where I am supposed to forget about the past and continue pressing onward to my final time of rest in Him (Philippians 3:13-14).

So, my hiatus is over. I am going to continue to present neat inventory pieces, but I really love putting super cheap outfits together so I’m going to feature more of that as well. Will items change up with little consistency? Probably. Will my writing always be coherent? Nope. Will I keep a regular schedule? I’ll try.

But most importantly: am I one of God’s children, a co-heir with Christ, groaning with creation in this wayward world, displaying my weakness in front of the Spirit that for some weird reason still sees a faint reflection of Christ in me, and even in hardship, recognizing with certainty that nothing can separate me from God’s amazing love (Romans 8)?

I am. I have to. I’m thankful. I can’t think of much else that matters.